Truth of the matter is, the kids across the street don't make me want to puke...they make me want to cry. I don't understand it. What happened to my movie scene? I do not mean to complain, and I am positive in the saying that good things come to those whom wait...but sometimes I just wonder where my bestfriend is. Where is that missing part of me...in you? The days when the stars will shine so much brighter among us as the world becomes our friend and time becomes our enemy. For one day the world will revolve around you and I...and in that day...you will truly know me. I can no longer play Miss Bad Ass with no emotions, just some sarcastic banter and an all or nothing attitude. Here I am. I am sensitive. I am sentimental. I am "emo." There, I suppose that wasn't so hard, but now is where the hurt comes along. I suppose that it hurts either way...keeping the world out while holding everything within, or opening up to my "raw" emotions, facing them, and take the heart-break full on. I despise admitting that I am emotional. I am sure that everyone knows that my cover has worn way to thin to protect me from hurt. Then again, without risking hurt, you cannot partake in love. So this is my choice. I am open. Take your best shot...I am all mind, heart, body, and soul. I need this. I need to feel again. Numb is a very lonely feeling. This is now whom I am. I am Jessica Diane Martin for Heaven's sake and I am here!!! Don't turn your back on me world. I may be weird, but I know what I feel, and I know that I am not much different from the rest of you. I don't even need your silly chances. I just need a little bit of trust, a little bit of faith, a smile, to find my best friend, and some confidence and all will be well. Someone out there to believe in me...I know my dad does, and I thank him for this...but this is more than a family/parental issue. I believe in me and this is all in which should matter, but I want my messed-up romeo from the wrong side of the tracks to come and take me away on the city bus =) I don't need the horse nor the prince charming...just the real deal and the "moment..." the thought, the effort...the feeling...the realness...that little something extra in which they always leave out of the movies...Here I go, getting all mushy and "girlie" then again, maybe there is nothing wrong with it. I do not need to be this unbreakable programmed rock 24/7...I am just me and it is all in which I am and will forever be...where is my "someone" to accept "me" for all in which I am, all in which I almost am, and all in which I will forever lack? I know you have to put forth effort to receive, but I do not even know where to begin. God, please grant me the knowledge to just simply "know." That is the most in which I can ask for. I do not need to love someone due to needing them, I need to need someone due to loving them. I am not trying to push anything...trust me. I have learned my lessons, but someone out there has to be in the same place at the same time...the same mentallity, the same cry-baby "wawawa" mush...where is the lyrics to my song? Where is the piece to my puzzle? The pea to my carrott...lol. I am patient. Love is patient and love is kind...I am trying...but I refuse to become comfortably numb...I refuse to let all of my hopes, dreams, fears, etc...go to waste because of some mindless insecurity I am carring as baggage for no apperant reason. Tonight (actually early this morning) I let this baggage go. It is 3:12 am and I am letting down my walls and forgiving the past. It is time to move on...so what are you waiting for? Find me...